Kell 's Blog

The Body Keeps the Score

Low self-esteem and the faulty belief that I wasn’t a worthy human being were my faithful bedfellows for a great deal of my life. However, I thought if I projected an outward appearance of confidence and purpose, then surely I was managing it, right? Wrong. I thought if I just kept learning more and doing more, I would finally arrive at some magical point of success and be deserving of happiness, accolades, and acceptance. The problem though, is that the goal post kept moving. The problem, was that I was trying to put a bandage on a chronic, gaping and angry wound, always trying to stay one step ahead of the pain. This wound stemmed from childhood trauma and the limiting beliefs inherited from generations that had gone before me, and those created as a result of abuse.

While it had obviously been years since I had been in a threatening situation, my body had stored every event in my tissues and organs. I knew I would need to address my past at some point, but until it showed up physically in my body, I was all too content to press on. If you’ve read any of my earlier work, you know that I eventually sought out a therapist as the anxiety finally got so intense, I stopped swallowing. I will forever be an advocate of therapy as my therapist was a crucial component of my journey back to my true self.

In the summer of 2018, I became very sick with an intestinal infection that resulted in hospitalization and emergency surgery. This time would mark the beginning of a long road of introspection, habit and dietary changes, and additional medical care. I’m grateful to the team of physicians who addressed my physical body, but allopathic doctors can only heal so much. What about the emotional and spiritual landscape? I began working with metaphysical healers and learned that the illness had its roots in the parts of my life that I couldn’t ‘stomach’ or digest, not unlike my inability to ‘swallow’ what had happened to me. My entire digestive system beginning with my throat was wrecked: erosion, inflammation, ulcers, infection, & leaky gut. Can you see the connection? The body keeps the score.

Holistic health was not a far-out concept for me; after all, this is my training. However, until I really lived it, I wasn’t able to understand how mind, body, and spirit are truly connected. I now understand what the old saying; “the issues are in the tissues” means! The road to recovery hasn’t been easy. There have been setbacks along the way and a whole lot of resistance and fear that have surfaced. But I learned to feel my feelings because that’s the only way to heal them. I learned how to connect with my inner self, or soul, and to my higher power. I learned about energy and I learned that tears and crying are the body’s natural way of moving stuck, stagnant energy out of the body.

Take time to get still, to get to know yourself and your body. Become attuned to what it’s telling you and question whether the physical ailments you may be suffering from are spiritually or emotionally rooted. Because I promise you, they are all related: mind, body, and spirit.