Kell 's Blog

A Lesson in Acceptance

Wow, what a year 2019 turned out to be! As I look back on the major milestones, the tiny wins, and the truly difficult roadblocks of last year, I’m struck by how often the lesson for each centered around the notion of acceptance. I entered the year full of the same hopes and wishes most all of you likely had.

And while overall, it was a year of deepening faith, opportunity, & fantastic growth, I had no idea the “flavor” of the growth that was about to be delivered! Just when you think you’ve been through about everything and you may even have life kinda figured out…

In late January, my middle daughter was diagnosed with depression and co-occurring anxiety. Little did I know, this was the beginning of an incredibly scary, and challenging year that included a suicide attempt in late summer. Terror doesn’t even scratch the surface of what it feels like to know your child is in this much agony. And if you or someone close to you has ever struggled with mental illness and/or suicidal ideation, you know how painful and brutal it can be for the one going through it as well as those who walk beside them as they try to untangle what’s happening internally and recover.

Remedial coaching is not my area of expertise, granted; but I felt a level of helplessness that rocked me to my core! No amount of “rah-rah” or motivational/inspirational message or coaching was going to cut it here and that was tough to take. I am on the planet to help others and I derive my sense of purpose by being able to do that. But when I couldn’t do it for someone I loved so much, I had to accept that the only way I could serve this time, was to educate myself on how to be supportive, be there for her as we worked through intense therapy, lifestyle and medication changes, and let God and the trained medical providers apply their hands. I’m so grateful for the work of these gifted healers. After many months and ultimately some major life changes she made that at first confounded and scared the hell out of me, she is now doing fantastic and dare I say, happy and content! I know I can’t design her life or live it for her, but as long as SHE keeps living it, I’ll take it! #acceptance

Then came the medical challenges I was still working through from 2018. As I’ve shared in previous posts, I had extensive damage in the lining of my esophagus, stomach and intestines, an ulcer and hiatal hernia. I was put on a medication to heal the damage and if I haven’t said it before, I’ll say it now: I hate taking medicine! But, accept it I must if I wanted to heal. I’m thankful to report that in a follow-up procedure, I learned the damage was nearly fully healed and I’m back to eating my regular low-carb, mostly keto diet which works well for my body. Turns out the doctor was right. Who knew? Ha!

Dovetailing nicely with this, was the opportunity (tongue in cheek) to accept my new shape and that at least for the time being, I wasn’t going to be a size 2. After competing in fitness shows, I grew accustomed to how lean I had become but having to slow down and change my macros while healing, had an impact on my body, and learning to love myself at this new slightly larger size was a switch that took a minute to adjust to. Hell, if I’m honest, I still struggle with this one! Baby steps, right?

The big wins this year included being able to spend more time with family and friends at the lake. That was something I missed out on during my years as a restauranteur and I’ll never take work-life balance and personal freedom for granted again. My friendships with female friends also deepened and provided more comfort that at any other time in my life. In the summer, we purchased property that we’ll begin building a new house on this spring! Call me crazy, but my husband and I love a good adventure (read: challenge) and are excited to creatively work together again (please send prayers this excitement lasts). Lastly, we took some amazing trips to Lake Havasu, Palm Springs, Toronto, Chicago and Kansas City.
 
I continue to build my practice and hone my craft, pivoting when I need to and adjusting who and how I serve as I go. I LOVE what I do, and I truly hope that comes through in my work with a client, but I’ve also had to accept that growth will happen as its meant to, and often in very unexpected ways. Still yet, it’s amazing that I get to do what inspires me every day and I’m so grateful! I’ve met and coached some of the most extraordinary men and women and feel blessed to get to help them on their journey to starting new businesses, figuring out their purpose, creating better relationships, and even opening to the possibility of starting a new family!

However 2019 ended up for you, I hope you are looking at 2020 with fresh eyes, faith, and hope. I hope you know that you aren’t alone in your struggle to carve out the best possible life for yourself and your family. I hope you never forget to set crazy goals and to always dream a bigger dream. And I hope that through it all- the ups and the downs, you are able to see the silver lining and the lesson behind the struggle as well as feel the gratitude for the wins.

Have a fabulous 2020 and as always, should you need it, I’m here to support you.

If you or someone you know is struggling with suicidal thoughts, know that you do not have to go through this alone! Please call The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at: 1.800.273.TALK